Set List Journal - Entry No. 2

 

In this Set List Journal - Entry No. 2, I am reminiscing my love for jazz trumpeter, Chris Botti.  

Although my collection is extensive, my most treasured album is Italia.  

I was 19 years old when I discovered Chris Botti and his album, Night Sessions.  I was 19 years old when I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type I.  I was in the throws of deep, stinging depression.  The album helped get me through darker than dark emotions and days.

I loved Chris Botti's take on jazz, somewhere between classic and smooth.  And so I created a collection...

...which brings me to my latest - Italia.

Grammy (father's mother) and Grandma (mother's mother).  Grammy surprisingly supported my interest in Duran Duran.  Grandma was more on the conservative end and for Christmas one year many moons ago, she gifted me with the Chris Botti album, Italia - an album I expressed interest in.

As a musician, Chris Botti plays with emotion.  The best example I can share is "Ave Maria."  A beautiful and sentimental song that leaves me in a profoundly emotional state of mind.

In 2004, I was diagnosed with Temporal Lobe Seizure Disorder.  In 2011, I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder.  As of 2011, I also have agoraphobia and generally avoid leaving my home if I can.

Chris Botti's jazz style is inspiring to nudge me one step out at a time.  Grandma held my hand then and holds my hand now...

...She passed away in September 2021.  She was my soulmate, my best friend, my sounding board when I experienced an epileptic episode, my security when going to a doctor's appointment, my cheerleader when I faced bravery on my own.  We had serious conversations.  We laughed at remarks not necessarily humorous.  We expressed back pain at the exact same time.  I spent time with her every day.  She reminisced her family.  I wanted to know.  She would state in random Swedish words and phrases.  She taught me all that I know now.

In times of mental distress, she would say "talk to Grandma."  Italia is my musical expression of talking to my Grandma.

Her loving presence in my dreams...you have no idea.

Signing off for the day.